Kiss the Air
by IMadeYouAPromise
Summary: After the finale, this idea just wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it. Title inspired by Scott Alan. Rated T just to be sure. Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of its characters. If I did, things would be different.


Not much has changed. Not here. Here is the one place on Earth that feels familiar anymore. However, he tries not to return too often for the safe familiarity is always accompanied by the anguish and the agonising pain that has ceased to leave him since that day. The day he lost everything. He shudders at the unwelcome thought and pushes the memory of a stilled chest and closed eyes to the very back of his mind. He can't bring himself to tackle that part of his history right now. So instead, he clears his mind, makes himself comfortable on the bench and waits – just as he always has.

It is not long before his peace is interrupted. (Or maybe it is; he doesn't see the point in time keeping anymore. He was never very good at it anyway. ) He slowly becomes aware of the feeling that he is being watched, but not in the same way as _Before_. This isn't the same subtle way he is used to. He tears his gaze away from the lake in front of him and raises his eyes to find that he was correct. Openly staring at him is a young girl, can't be any more than twenty years old. Her blonde hair is seemingly as untameable as his own used to be and her features are as soft as the ones that used to grace the face of his old friend. However, he can't tear his gaze away from her large blue-green eyes. They seem to hold a wisdom that a girl of her age shouldn't ever be able to contain. After a few seconds of silence, the girl finally speaks.  
"You're back," she states simply.  
He furrows his eyebrows slightly. His annoyance at the fact that he hasn't made himself as figuratively invisible as he had thought is quickly washed away and replaced at relief for the same fact. Up until that moment he wasn't aware of just how lonely he has become. He attempts a smile but knows it is a weak imitation of the one that he used to have.  
"So I am," he replies.  
The girl tilts her head to the side slightly as if she is trying to work out a particularly difficult maths problem. "Every seven months."  
"Excuse me?" he asks, baffled at her apparently nonsensical words.  
"For as long as I can remember, you've come back for one day every seven months. You sit there all day, then just as you leave you kiss the air and then you're gone," she explains as she smiles gently at him. "You know, I don't even think you realise."  
He tries to think back on his long life and begins to realise that the young girl may be right. He came back only when the weight of the loss became too much to bear. He would come back to feel as though they were reunited again and it would lessen the pain temporarily.  
"Is it okay if I sit with you?" she asks nervously, as if expecting rejection.  
He smiles and shuffles over slightly. "Go ahead."  
She settles onto the bench delicately, making sure to leave some space between them. Apparently she realises that a man who has been alone all this time would not be comfortable with too much human contact just yet. There then follows another great silence in which both of them stare out to the lake which has no noticeable attraction. There are no ducks, no flowers…no visible sign of anything that may lure people to watch it in this way. People pass them, wondering what in the world an old lonely man and young vibrant girl could both find in this plain lake that would make them gaze in the way they do. Neither of them pay the passers-by any attention and they continue to sit there silently well into the afternoon and into the early evening. It is shortly after they see the last dog-walker of the day that the girl speaks.  
"What's your name?"  
He looks down at her to find she is still gazing straight ahead. He smiles slightly again, stronger this time and says "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."  
The girl meets his eyes then. "Try me," she challenges.  
He raises his eyebrows and tries to ignore the tugging feeling of familiarity inside him. _You've been here too long already,_ he thinks. _You need to go soon._ He barely hears his own thoughts today, however and he lowers his head closer to the girl.  
"My name is Merlin," he whispers.  
Instead of laughing as he thought she would, the girl merely smiles brightly and her eyes fill with wonder.  
"Like the legend?" she asks eagerly.  
"Legend?"  
"Yes, you know, the legend of King Arthur," she says. "His servant was called Merlin. Only he wasn't just a servant. He was the greatest sorcerer ever to have lived. Surely you've heard the story."  
Merlin smiles sadly and nods. "Yes, I've heard the story. Many, many times."  
If the girl notices his change in tone, she doesn't say anything. She simply smiles and says "I'm Jennifer."  
"It's nice to meet you, Jennifer," Merlin says sincerely.  
"If you don't mind me asking," Jennifer begins, her tentative manner making a return appearance, "why do you come here?"  
The stillness the follows her simple question is almost crushing. Unwelcome memories and feelings that had been numbed decades ago flood back without a warning. The image of blue eyes and golden hair, a red cloak and a smile as bright as the sun all fill his mind in an instant. He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the images away. He cannot allow himself to delve back into the same state he only managed to fully pull himself from just under a century ago. Once he is sure that the images have calmed and receded, he opens his eyes again to see Jennifer nodding in understanding.  
"You lost someone." It isn't a question. It is a statement and it is said in such a way that Merlin knows she is hurting too. He watches her for a while, somehow knowing that she will explain. "His name was Lucas. He was the best friend I've ever had and…I loved him. Immensely."  
"What happened to him?" Merlin asks gently.  
"We were walking along this street to go to the shop," she answers quietly. "We were just having a lovely conversation when out of nowhere, Lucas just runs off. I was so surprised I didn't even follow; I just kind of stood there watching him. I watched as he ran down the street faster than I'd ever seen him before. I watched as he ran into the road and pushed a little boy firmly to the pavement on the other side." Her head drops as tears begin to slowly roll down her cheeks. "Then, I watched as a van hit him at too great a speed. I knew immediately there was nothing I could do – he'd died on impact." She takes a deep, shaky breath and raises her head. "That was a year ago today. I came here to remember him."  
Merlin frowns slightly, unable to fully understand. "You come to remember? Why?"  
Jennifer looks at him analytically before switching quickly to sympathy. "Oh. You try to forget. You come here to forget." Merlin nods and she sighs sadly. "Merlin, you shouldn't ever want to forget those you care about. You should remember them in every way possible." She smiles and stands up. "Besides, you have it easier than anybody."  
"How did you come to that conclusion?" he asks.  
"There are hundreds of different adaptations of your loss. But every single one says he'll return."  
Merlin smiles. "You figured it out."  
"I've been watching you for eighteen years Merlin and you've never looked any different." Jennifer smiles and places her hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I guess it was coincidence, huh? That we ended up here on the same day."  
"There is no coincidence, Jennifer," he says, sureness strong in his words, "only destiny."  
"I suppose you could be right," Jennifer considers. "I have to go now, Merlin. Enjoy your seven months away."  
Merlin nods and soon he is alone again, watching over Avalon. He waits, just as he always has, but this time, while he waits, he remembers.

_Ten years later_

He feels the magic before he sees anything. He feels the effect of the Old Religion filling him from his toes to the top of his head. He feels it wash over him and he knows that he has regained his youth. He thanks the Gods for the cover of the night and smiles brighter than he has in centuries. He knows that this is a sign – a sign that it will happen today. He pushes himself off the bench and runs to the lake. He looks out to the water and stands for at least half an hour. Waiting. Waiting for something, _anything _to happen. Nothing. Another few hours and still, nothing. He sighs dejectedly, blows a kiss into the air and turns to leave.  
That is the moment when he is met by the sparkling blue eyes, shimmering golden hair and bright smile that had taken up his entire mind for the past decade. Merlin's eyes fill with tears as he flings his arms around Arthur's neck, holding him close just as he was instructed to at the end. Arthur's arms slide around Merlin's waist and he buries his nose in the thick dark locks that he has been deprived of for over a millennium, inhaling the familiar scent. They stand embracing longer than either of them care to record.  
"I've missed you…so much," Merlin whispers almost inaudibly, his voice cracking and thick with tears.  
"Likewise," Arthur replies, his voice washing over Merlin like a warm blanket on a cold day. "So tell me," he continues, pulling away from Merlin, but still holding him close, "what have you been doing all these years?"  
Merlin lifts a hand to caress the line of Arthur's jaw as he replies, "Waiting."  
Arthur lifts one eyebrow in reply. "Why?"  
Merlin grins and slides his hand into Arthur's hair. "Because I love you, you prat."  
Gasping slightly, Arthur goes to reply but before he has a chance to say anything, he finds his lips covered by Merlin's. He immediately responds and they both get to making up for over 1,500 years of lost time.


End file.
